Bloomingdales still hasn't recovered!

If you are lucky enough to have a significant other in your life, this ought to be amusing to you. If not, you are in the right place as this website has everything you need to get someone to fall in love with you. I did just that this past weekend. She went from like to love in an instant. And I have the male grooming section at Bloomingdales to thank for it. 

So we were on a casual date, walking around the city through a street fair, picking out knick knacks, people watching etc. Our aimless meandering eventually led us to the major department store mentioned in the title. Of course she wanted to go shopping. What girl doesn't? As if I wasn't exhausted enough already. So upon entering the store, my eyes immediately began to search out the nearest bench or at least group of huddled men, sheltering each other from the obtrusive femininity of our surroundings. Looks like the store designers had us in mind because this Bloomingdales had a restaurant with a bar in it. SCORE!

My date instantly grabbed me and tried to drag me to the purse section. My male instincts kicked in as we veered off towards the bar which was through the men's section. Our arms were interlocked and concealing the struggle we were both quietly ensued  in when I felt someone grab my other arm. I turn around and see this gorgeous woman in a lab coat staring straight in my eyes. She was older than the both of us but her face didn't show it. Something about the way she carried herself made her seem mature and knowledgeable. Maybe it was the lab coat. But that coat couldn't hide the fact that she had a smoking hot body itching to burst out. Either way, before she said a word, I was bound by her spell. I just hope the girl i was with couldn't tell.

"Excuse me sir, I was wondering if you would be interested in a free makeover."

She had me right where she wanted me. I couldn't say no if i wanted to.

"If you would just sit down here in this chair..."

It was a salon chair right next to a beauty mirror with all the light bulbs around it and a bunch of bottles and lotions and cosmetics stuff I was not familiar with. There were about four of these chairs. that's when I noticed i was the only guy seated. I started to struggle a little bit. I didn't want to be the first and only guy in town to get a male makeover. I had my masculinity to worry about. I started to fidget in my seat and began to protest. That's when she brought out the big guns.

"Sir, I can see you are uncomfortable and I will be happy to let you go. But allow me to show you something first."

She took out what looked like one of those portable TV's from the 90's. It had a screen on it but no antennae and some sort of rubber tube on the bottom. She put the tube to my face in a few spots and pressed a button. then she showed me the screen. Turns out the device took up close high definition pictures. I could see the pores on my skin, the oil on my face, the dirt that was collecting in the crevices, etc. needless to say, I was mortified this was all happening on my face. That's when my girl said, "I hope you don't think I am kissing you after seeing that."

The woman in the lab coat said, "Don't worry honey, when I am done with him, you won't be able to keep your lips off of him."

Now I am not a bad looking guy. A little overweight maybe, but I carry it with confidence. I have always been proud of my looks but now that I had seen what was really happening on my face, something needed to be done. Needless to say, I gave my consent to the makeover artist but under one condition, no makeup. She just laughed and told me real men don't wear make-up. None of the products she was going to use were make-up in any way shape or form. As a matter of fact, every single product was geared specifically for men. 

At this point, a small crowd had started to form around me. I could see men and women craning their necks to see what was going to happen to this guinea pig. I was completely under the mercy of my captor. The first thing she did was clean my face with Lab Series Invigorating Face Scrub. i know this because the lady started addressing the crowd instead of me. It felt kind of rough but then I got that smooth, fresh feeling you get when you walk out of a sauna. Then to take care of my oil problem, she used the Lab Series oil control hydrator on a cotton swab that she dabbed at my face. I couldn't see what was happening but gauging from the oooh's and aaah's from the crowd, I am guessing this had some sort of dramatic effect. She went on to add some Age-Less Face Cream and Instant Lift Eye Cream. With every product that was applied, i could see the attraction growing on my dates face more and more. Like a starving wolf being teased with a juicy steak that only seemed to grow bigger. 

At this point, the crowd had turned into a full on mob, hooting and hollering every time this woman used her magic on me. She took out the skin camera again and took some more pictures to compare my skin with what it was now and how it was 5 minutes before. The difference was drastic. But not as drastic as the change I saw when I looked in the mirror. It was me, but it was a bright and shiny me that I wasn't aware was hiding under a film of dirt and wrinkles. All the cosmetic changes were slight but they added up for a grand effect. My skin looked cleaner and smoother. The bags under my eyes, that I wasn't aware were even there, had magically disappeared. I was impressed and when I gave my thumbs up for approval, all the people around my cheered like I had been crowned the new pope. I never made it to the bar that day. My date bought me a whole line of Lab Series products and proceeded to ravage me as soon as we got back to my apartment. Thankfully,  the cosmetics lady let us have first dibs at purchasing because the line that formed after us was astounding. The great part was none of it was even that expensive. For a few extra bucks, I got myself looking the best me I can be. And the best part is the more I use my facial wash and anti aging cream, the more effective it becomes and the longer it lasts. 

I guess the moral of this story is allow yourself to try something new. It can have unexpected results. I now come back once a month for my free makeover and educate myself on any new things that may have come out. Plus I am still trying to bag that make up artist. But I will settle with what I can get.

Mens Groom Room
Mens Groom Room


Leave a comment